Don't make out with my wife yet
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
