i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just pee around me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
