the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
