Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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