hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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