my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
