1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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