false alarm. still invincible.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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