this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
