Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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