if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sarcasm needs its own font
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
