Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
