I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
