Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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