hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
