More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
