I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
