Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
