how can u be prego again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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