just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
