I just cut my nipple shaving
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
