peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
