elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
