yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
