you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
