I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
