he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
