The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
