then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
