ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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