We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
