My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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