saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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