Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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