I want to make a zoo with you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
