i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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