he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
