If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bet he comes in French.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
