Farmville is her only friend.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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