I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
