He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My vagina just recognized that song.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
