God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
