I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
