your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
