we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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