I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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