I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
