Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
