I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
