So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
