I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
