If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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