I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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